So I went out tonight with un garçon I’ve been talking to for two months online. I’m not crazy into him but I orchestrated cooperative drunkenness, hoping to wash the Consultant out of my mind by fucking a bit, by getting my clit sucked a little. I wanted to go home with him but he very clearly wasn’t into that, mentioning his roommates and asking about my living alone… Clearly that’s just a novelty for him. What kind of business he has trying to score then is beyond me…I don’t bring men home with me; I go to their places for a combination of reasons. Mostly not letting them into my house holds a certain mystery. I like being the one who holds that key.
At the same time, I’m a bit sad that I’m not getting off with a partner tonight when I was so close. “I have roommates,” he said. “I’m a lady,” I retorted, irritated that he didn’t invite me over anyway. Still, my whole lady act left him with the promise of later…who knows, maybe his roommates will go on a vacation.
I let him kiss me and I could feel my labia swelling with the idea of getting fucked. I should have just let him tail me home…should have just taken the cab. As it is I think I’m just going to go home and masturbate to the thought of his soft lips on my pussy, his fingers pressing harder inside me. Mon dieu, I’m ready to answer a casual encounters ad just to take care of this…but that’s just so awkward.
It makes me pretty pissed at the consultant…he’s such a good lay; why did he quit on me so suddenly? I thought we were having a good time. I had more fun fucking him than I had had in years… I barely know him as a man, but I miss his voice getting all gravely when he talks dirty. I miss sucking his perfect, gorgeous cock. He was a novelty for me, my first really experienced man.
Mais c’est tout pour mois, I suppose.
I wish I was even interested in anyone else… It’s a shame, really. I feel like my glory days are being wasted. I’m so young, so happy, and I feel so adventurous…
